


short eternity

by red_curtain



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt, M/M, Minhyun is a doctor, seongwoo-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-24 21:30:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16183556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_curtain/pseuds/red_curtain
Summary: He wonders why he hasn’t broken down yet. Why he isn’t trashing around, screaming for his boyfriend as if that would bring him back just for a second.So why doesn’t Seongwoo feel anything as he sits in front of the room where the love of his life has just lost the battle against death?





	short eternity

**Author's Note:**

> hullo :) i was randomly inspired hehe  
> it is a bit sadder now than my last fanfiction i hope you like it and that the hurt was good enough

Seongwoo feels cold. 

 

It’s summer, the sun has just disappeared but Seongwoo feels so indescribably cold. 

 

Maybe it’s not the weather. After all, he is wearing a fine suit, the jacket has kept him so warm earlier, there was no way it could be the weather.

 

Maybe it was his environment.

 

Seongwoo looks up from the floor and rubs his thighs with his hands while sighing. His eyes roam over the naked white walls, the big doors that only hide more doors behind them.   
  
His eyes take in every little detail, even though there are barely any.   
He wants to distract himself for a little, keep his mind occupied with something else. 

 

But he can’t help always thinking about the room right in front of him. Or specifically, the man that has been in there

 

Seongwoo’s eyes move from the door to himself again. He is wearing an expensive suit, the material felt amazing on his skin. He was told to wear his finest piece of clothing. Even though he had no idea why, he just did as he was told. He has never been good at denying _ him  _ anything. 

 

A bitter smile crosses Seongwoo’s lips. It was probably the most emotion he has shown in the last few hours. 

 

His eyes are stuck on his freezing hands. He lifts them off his thighs and looks at his palms. 

 

It has been hours but he still hasn’t washed his hands off the blood. Suddenly, the urge to find the next bathroom overcomes him. For some reason, it bothers him that they are this dirty. They are a reminder of what has happened earlier, they are taunting him in a way. 

 

But all Seongwoo could do is stare at them lifelessly. He doesn’t even know if he would be able to walk to the bathroom, his legs have been shaking since -

 

Since he had to see paramedics trying to save the love of his life. 

 

He barely remembers how it has happened. 

 

One moment, he was happily smiling at his boyfriend while they passed the road to a fancy restaurant. They have held hands, swung them in the warm air and laughed about something silly. And the next, he was screaming for help, getting blood all over his suit as he held his boyfriend’s head.

 

Everything has happened in such a rush and was like one big blur to him, Seongwo just feels a headache forming by trying to remember. 

 

He blinks a few times and frowns while uselessly rubbing the dried blood off on his already dirty pants. It is futile; he knows that. However, he can’t stop. He hopes that maybe he could get rid of those few seconds he could remember if he just tried enough, rubbed strong enough. Maybe he hopes the uncomfortable feeling from constantly rubbing the material would distract him but all it does is make him feel frustrated. 

 

Seongwo sighs out shakily and stops moving. 

 

His shoulders are tense, he clenches his fists. 

 

His mind is a whirlwind of emotions, he doesn’t know what to think or feel, what he is supposed or even  _ allowed _ to feel.

 

He wonders why he hasn’t broken down yet. Why he isn’t trashing around, screaming for his boyfriend as if that would bring him back just for a second. Back to him, back into his arms.

 

Because Seongwoo did - does - love him. With all of his heart, without fail for years his heart has been no one’s but  _ his _ . 

 

So why doesn’t Seongwoo feel anything as he sits in front of the room where the love of his life has just lost the battle against death? 

 

Is it maybe because he still hasn’t grasped the idea that when he gets home, there will be no one ever waiting for him again? Or maybe his mind is still convinced it was all a bad dream and he would wake up in his boyfriend’s strong arms wrapped around him. 

 

He clenches the fabric of his trousers. A snort leaves him.    
This suit he wears in promise of a beautiful date. Seongwoo remembers the excitement he felt when he saw what restaurant they were approaching. It’s one of these ridiculously expensive ones one could only afford for special occasions. He wonders if today was meant to be special and a bitter smile passes his face again.

 

He will never find out. 

 

For a short moment, Seongwoo closes his eyes. The sounds of doctors and nurses hectic screaming earlier enter his mind. He remembers standing in the hall helplessly, frozen and shocked as he could only watch them try their best. 

 

He remembers catching one of the doctor’s eyes - Minhyun’s. He has been friends with Minhyun for years and he knows Minhyun was good. 

 

But sometimes, good wasn’t good enough.

 

In all of the years he has been friends with Minhyun, the other man has never looked at him the way he has done today. There was so much pain and pity in his eyes, maybe even guilt as he uttered an apology. 

 

Seongwoo remembers how Minhyun hugged him while Seongwoo was unable to comprehend what had happened. He guided him to a seat and kept apologizing but it barely entered his mind. 

 

He has been sitting on the same seat for hours actually, the blood on his hands has dried, there is barely anyone around him and still, Seongwoo is waiting for the moment he would break down. The moment he would realize that he was gone now and would never return to him.   
  
Some quiet footsteps appear, they are slow and cautious almost. 

 

Seongwoo looks up to the person approaching him and sees Minhyun looking to the ground in shame or hurt, as if he was the one to have driven carelessly, as if he was the reason why there was blood on him now, as if he has killed him.

 

“Seongwoo.”

 

His voice is meek, broken. He understands, after all it was Minhyun who introduced them. Seongwoo didn’t only lose his boyfriend but Minhyun also lost his best friend. He desperately asks himself why Minhyun looks like he has cried when Seongwoo himself hasn’t shed a tear. 

 

“Minhyun.” 

 

His own voice sounds lifeless, neutral. He feels frustration rising within him, he couldn’t understand the lack of emotion in him as well. 

 

Minhyun stops right in front of him and gulps. His hands are stuck in his coat, nervously playing with whatever is in there. He looks nothing like the confident guy Seongwoo knows.

 

“I’m sorry,” the doctor gulps. 

 

Seongwoo frowns, his first reaction is to reach out to Minhyun and hold his hands in comfort but a quick look to his hands reminds him how they are still covered in blood.

 

“It’s okay,” Seongwoo whispers but he wonders: Is it really? No, it shouldn’t be. All of this shouldn’t be.

 

“It’s not,” Minhyun says and shakes his head. “But I tried everything I could. I - I really did try my best but I just -”   
  


He is obviously unable to end the sentence so it’s floating in the air, but Seongwoo understands. He really does.

 

“He told me today was supposed to be special, you know,” Minhyun starts slowly, “You know how he is -”

 

He gulps again.

 

“How he was. Always excited and always a bundle of energy like a little puppy. Barely talked about anything else for weeks, sometimes I had to tell him to shut up.”

 

A sad smile forms on Minhyun lips and Seongwo feels his lips lifting a bit, too. Of course, that really sounded like his late boyfriend. 

 

“He booked the reservation months in advance, didn’t buy that new expensive video game he died to have to save up to take you out. I told him you didn’t need him to do that but this stupid fool,” Minhyun laughs shakily, “He said he wanted to do it the right way, he really wanted to spoil you today. Sent me 10 different pictures of hair style to help him choose what to go with. He was really excited and anxious for today.”

 

Seongwoo feels pain piercing right through his heart. He could imagine him being that adorable and stubborn, that was just so entirely like the man he knew and loved - the man who wasn’t with him anymore and would never be again.  

 

“And - And even though I sometimes felt annoyed, I helped him as best as I could. I was probably as excited as him. His nervous but determined smile this morning is the last I remember. I - I don’t think I want to remember seeing him here last, I want to live with the illusion his cheery ‘ _ bye, hyung! _ ’ is the last thing I have seen of him. At least just a little bit longer.”

 

Tears have started forming in his eyes and Seongwoo feels his heart clenching painfully. He feels numb, but in a different way from before. The coldness he has felt earlier spreads through his body, along with it the pain. He feels weakened.   
Hearing Minhyun actually say all of that makes him want to cover his ears. It makes everything more real. He is talking about him as if he was really dead which he was but Seongwoo - Seongwoo isn’t ready for that yet. It still feels surreal. Like a really bad joke or a nightmare he would wake up from. 

 

For a short moment, Seongwoo wished to go back to feeling indifferent. It was better than feeling your throat constricting and pain pulsating through his body. 

The blood on his hands didn’t bother him anymore because it was blood but because it is  _ his  _ blood. 

 

“He was the happiest with you. I have never seen him smile brighter and laugh louder than with you and I wish, I so desperately wish, he could have told you all of this himself.”

 

Seongwoo presses his eyes closed for a moment. He wants to tell Minhyun to shut up and go, he couldn’t take more of this. More reminders that in fact, this is reality and that he couldn’t wake up from it. 

 

Suddenly, Minhyun took out a small black velvet box out of his pocket and put it right into his bloody hands. 

 

The man looked up to his friend in shock, a dreadful feeling overcoming him. 

 

“He loved you so  _ so _ much. I still remember how he called me after your first date and was so determined and sure that one day, he would ask you to marry him.”

 

Minhyun snorts disbelievingly, but his expression soon changes to a sad frown.

 

“But his time was over before he could.”

 

Seongwoo stops breathing for a few seconds as he stares at the box helplessly. It’s so small, but it feels so heavy in his hands.    
  
“He has bought the ring months ago but wanted to do everything perfectly fancy instead of just asking you over a dinner at home. He wanted nothing but the absolute best for you. Said that you’d have eternity together so a few weeks later wouldn’t make a difference.”   
  
Seongwoo’s hand shakes as he slowly opens the box, revealing the beautiful ring meant for him. However, he couldn’t even bare looking it. The meaning of it weighs heavily in his chest. Breathing has become so painful to him and his hands shake harder than before. 

 

“Kang Daniel,” he whispers, feeling his lower lip wobble and tears blurring his vision. He closes the box and presses it close to his chest, right above his heart where a void has formed with the death of Daniel.

 

“Idiot, who am I supposed to say yes to now?”

 

At last, Seongwoo breaks down. 

 

He has never felt as cold as he does now. 


End file.
